After celebrating another wedding anniversary I began reminiscing….
How in the world did I go from crushing on a boy in high school to a marriage of over twenty years?
Life with another human being is not easy, to be honest sometimes I don’t like or get along with myself let alone another person!
So, the question is why did this man stay with me or better yet, why did I stay with him? How does anyone make a lasting commitment to another person?
Well after much thought I realized one thing I’ve learned over the years, you must decide from the beginning what your outcome will be.
It’s important to treat your marriage as if divorce is not an option.
Now, I’m not saying to stay committed to someone who is abusive,
but I am saying to believe in sticking it out through the thick and the thin.
Marriage takes grit meaning it’s going to be ugly sometimes, yet the desire to stay and grow with one another far exceeds your longing to leave.
Sometimes you have step outside of yourself to see the perspective of your partner. This means talking things out, apologizing, having shared values and celebrating life together.
Talking it out
Many couples say communicating with one another is one of the hardest things in a relationship. No one wants to hurt the other persons’ feelings, so you decide to put your head in the sand and pretend everything is okay. Unresolved problems become like festering sores that will eventually begin to stink. When the funk hits the fan… no one wants to be home to deal with the mess. Therefore, choose a special time to talk with your partner about the goals of your marriage. Talk about your successes as a couple and celebrate. Then talk about what needs to be improved and develop a plan of action. Acknowledge the role you play or played in the marriage being where it is and what you will consciously work towards doing to improve the situation.
Learn to say I was wrong
Apologizing has a negative connotation because some believe it means...
“I’m giving in”
“I’m admitting to being wrong”
“I’m punking out”
“I’m sorry”, does not have to be tough…an apology is a message that you care about your partner’s feelings and you are aware of their emotions. Saying I’m sorry is not always about you being wrong per se, but it it’s about acknowledging doing something hurtful or insensitive.
A marriage has to have a foundation. Both you and your partner must agree on what the core values of your family will be. How do you feel about fidelity? What are your non negotiable in the relationship or for the family. What are your financial habits and goals. How do you feel about children? In order to be on the same page, you have to be in the same book.
It’s extremely important to celebrate your spouse. Be uplifting because when one person shines the glow transfers to the other. After all, marriage is a partnership. If I win…you win. Work together as a team and let the world know you are a team. Publicly share your spouse’s accomplishments with family and friends. You should be your spouse’s biggest and loudest cheerleader. Team (insert last name) ☺…. No one and nothing should be able to come between you and your teammate.