Building Strong Connections: The Role of Forgiveness in Relationships
- Nakia L. Roberson
- Jun 3
- 5 min read
"Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook. It’s about choosing to unhook yourself from the pain."
Whether you're healing from an argument with your partner, betrayal from a friend, or self-directed disappointment that lingers like a shadow, forgiveness is the bridge between disconnection and deeper connection.
In a world that often tells us to “cut people off” or “never forget,” choosing forgiveness may feel countercultural. But here’s the truth: you can’t move forward while dragging the past behind you.
We’re going to dive into:
What forgiveness is (and what it isn’t)
Why grudges keep you emotionally stuck
How to begin releasing resentment — simply and sincerely
What Forgiveness Is (and What It Isn’t)
Forgiveness is frequently misunderstood. Many people think it means excusing someone's actions or trivializing an offense. In reality, forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the emotional weight of a grievance. It is a conscious decision to let go of resentment and progress without holding onto anger.
It’s important to note that forgiveness is not forgetting or necessarily reconciling. You don't have to remain in a relationship or revert to the previous dynamic you had. Rather, forgiveness is an internal journey that enables you to find peace with the past. This distinction is crucial for nurturing healthier relationships.
Forgiveness requires strength; it takes courage to face painful emotions and choose healing over anger. Research indicates that nearly 50% of people who forgive experience an improvement in their mental health, which highlights the benefits.
✅Forgiveness IS:
A choice to let go of the emotional charge — even if the wound is still healing
A step toward emotional freedom
A decision for your own peace, not necessarily for the other person’s comfort
Possible without an apology or reconciliation
❌ Forgiveness IS NOT:
Forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt
Approving of or excusing bad behavior
Denying your boundaries or feelings
Reconciliation (that’s a separate process requiring accountability and safety)
When you misunderstand forgiveness, you may resist it because it feels like you're minimizing your pain. But real forgiveness honors your pain and chooses to no longer let it control you.
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese
Why Holding Grudges Keeps You Emotionally Stuck
Grudges can feel like heavy weights on your shoulders. When you hold onto resentment, it often leads to negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, and frustration. These feelings can seep into every area of your life, affecting not only relationships but also your mental and physical health.
Studies reveal that people who harbor grudges have a 30% higher risk of developing anxiety disorders. When negative emotions are allowed to grow, they can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnect, both from others and yourself.
Choosing to release grudges through forgiveness doesn't mean you're excusing wrongs. Instead, it's about prioritizing your well-being over the pain you may have experienced. By embracing forgiveness, you reclaim control over your life, opening pathways for emotional healing and personal growth.
Simple Ways to Start Releasing Resentment
Forgiveness isn’t always a one-time decision. Sometimes, it’s a process that takes time. A daily practice. A slow exhale.
Here are some practical steps you can adopt to start letting go of resentment:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
You cannot heal what you do not name. Write it out or speak it aloud:
Begin by acknowledging your feelings without self-judgment. Permit yourself to feel pain, sadness, or anger. Journaling can be particularly effective; writing about your thoughts can offer clarity on the emotions you’re grappling with.
“I was hurt when they...”
“It still stings because...”
“This situation made me feel...”
This validates your experience and signals to your nervous system that your pain matters.
2. Reflect on the Situation
Dedicate time to contemplate what happened. Consider possible misunderstandings or external factors that might have influenced the situation. By gaining perspective, you can foster empathy for the other individual involved. Separate the person from the pain. For instance, if a friend forgot your birthday, remembering that they were going through a tough time may help you be more understanding.
3. Express Yourself
If it feels safe, think about sharing your feelings with the person involved. Open communication can lead to closure and lessen the burden of grudges. Studies show that over 70% of individuals who communicate openly experience reduced emotional distress, illustrating the power of dialogue in relationships.
4. Decide What Forgiveness Means to You
Understanding the concept of forgiveness is a deeply personal journey that varies significantly from individual to individual. It is essential to take the time to reflect on what forgiveness truly means to you, as this will shape your approach and emotional healing process.
Ask yourself:
Do I want to reconcile or release? -Reconciliation involves rebuilding a damaged relationship through open communication and mutual understanding. In contrast, releasing hurt focuses on letting go of resentment or anger without restoring the relationship. Clarifying your intention guides your actions and emotional responses.
Do I need to express this or process it privately?- Deciding whether to express your feelings to the person who hurt you or process them internally is important. Knowing your preferred approach enhances healing.
What would peace look like in this situation?-Visualizing peace can be a powerful tool. Defining peace creates a roadmap for emotional healing and identifies steps to achieve it.
5. Make a Conscious Choice — Even If You’re Not Ready Yet
Not ready to forgive? That’s okay. Forgiveness isn’t something you force — it’s something you grow into.
Start by being open to the possibility of healing. You don’t have to rush or have it all figured out. It’s an intentional decision — sometimes daily — to move toward peace, not because they deserve it, but because you do.
Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened. It means refusing to let pain write your story. Even if it’s just one small step, let that be enough for today.
From Stuck to Stronger
Forgiveness is how we build strong connections — not by pretending the hurt didn’t happen, but by facing it and choosing to release its grip.
Whether it’s your partner, your past, your parent, or yourself, I hope this encourages you to take the first step.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be honest.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes
Want Help Letting Go?
At Next Stage Counseling & Wellness®, we help people just like you process pain, rebuild trust, and reconnect with purpose. Whether you're looking to heal as a couple, individually, or as a family, we’re here.
Ready to start your forgiveness journey?
Book a free consultation today at nextstagecounseling.com
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